Bill Rhoads: Music

1. Wrote this leavin’ California in the early 1990s, headed for Texas. It’s true – or was then.

TOO MANY CALIFORNIA MEMORIES
(And No More California Dreams)
Bill Rhoads 1993

You're a dream world, California
Your snowcaps, sun and ocean breeze
You've got most anything a man can want
But too many memories

I left one shattered north in Chico
One scattered down around L.A.
I wonder if they really mattered then
Guess they don’t now anyway

Chorus:
I've got Too Many California Memories
Bustin' my mind at the seams
Too Many California Memories
And no more California dreams

I've tried to lose them by this highway
I've drunk them all under control
But they come back like San Francisco fog
Cloudin' the windows of my soul

****


2. This is a true story about an old Nebraska cowboy I knew a long time ago!
Do they still make ‘em like that?

WHAFFO
Bill Rhoads 1998

'Round the rodeo circuit a few years back
We always had these leaners an' gawkers
One ol' cowboy called 'em Whaffos
'Cause they always asked him
“Whaffo you do that man
Whaffo you ride them bulls?”

He picked himself up off the rodeo dirt
The pain put him down on one knee
The crowd was up roarin', they knew he was hurt
Every Whaffo was leanin' and strainin' to see
But he never once limped, he just tipped 'em his hat
'Cause pride always takes age to task
That bull was plumb mean, but they like it like that
"Hey, Whaffo in the world do you ride 'em?" they'd ask

And they'd say:
Chorus:
"Hey, Whaffo you ridin' them rowdy ol' bulls?
You ain't gettin' no younger you know
Why do you just go on ropin' the wind?
Whaffo you ride rodeo?"

He stumbled and fell behind chute number one
He was tryin' to remember his name
As I cradled his head, he said, "Tell me, son
Is this Heaven or Hell, Whaffo I still feel pain?"

And I asked him:
****
And he said:
"Ain't it plain to you I'm a cowboy
Don't the rain fall and the river still flow
Don't the sun warm the earth and the green grass still grow?
I'm a cowboy, I ride rodeo
That's Whaffo I ride rodeo."


3. I was talking to a publisher on Music Row in Nashville a few years back, and he told me “what we’re lookin’ for is the next Garth Brooks.” So…….hope he’s listenin’!

I MIGHT BE THE NEXT GARTH BROOKS
Bill Rhoads 1995

I know you think you see a fat old man
Sittin’ here pickin’ this guitar
But if you take a closer look you’ll come to realize
Things are never really quite the way you think they are
See, underneath this aged exterior
Is another me that will not be subdued
Peel off some fat and wrinkles, give me a little hair
And you will find this talented, young and handsome dude

Chorus:
Hey, I Might Be The Next Garth Brooks
I’m humble yet I’m arrogant and my music cooks
With a hair transplant, a tummy tuck
And face lift to help my looks
I Might Be The Next Garth Brooks

My age has some distinct advantages
You know there’s not much I still wanna fight about
I don’t need much party time, just beer, and I’ve slowed down a lot
So the girls can catch me long before they’re all wore out
My dentist sold me this new plastic smile
And with my hearing aid I almost sing on key
So if you got some money to invest, I’m gonna be a star
With just a little help from science and technology

****

4. Self-explanatory. If you’ve never experienced this feelin’,,,,, go back and find it! It’s wonderful!

THANK GOD FOR EVERY SLOW LOVE SONG
Bill Rhoads 1992

In the good old days of Rock and Roll
How it used to break my heart
I never got to hold you long enough
We always danced three feet apart
We did the Bump and the Dog and the Fish and the Frog
Lord, we used to Twist and Shout
But when we danced to a slow love song
I knew what life was all about

Chorus:
Thank God For Every Slow Love Song
That got you in my arms where you belong
That puts you in the mood to do no wrong
Thank God For Every Slow Love Song
'Cause every time I feel you close to me
I realize how lucky I must be
What brought us close together keeps us strong
Thank God For Every Slow Love Song

I still like Rockin' and a little Bop
I'll take my Country with a Boogie beat
I gotta feel that drum and bass kick in
Somethin' that'll move my feet
But when the music's slow and the lights are down low
I think of us way back when
That first time we danced to a slow love song
And I feel it all over again

****

5. I wrote this song for and about my brother who was going through some of these kinds of hard times. He never really recovered and hung himself a couple of years ago.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOIN' HERE?
Bill Rhoads 1992

Chorus:
What The Hell Am I Doin’ Here?
In this honky tonk drinkin' beer again
The biggest fool I've ever known
What the hell am I lookin' for
Why can't I walk on out that door
When everything I ever wanted is waitin' at home?

I make a good livin' and I work hard too
I love my wife and children, God knows I do
But here I am lonely, dissatisfied
Always fightin' this hunger I'm feelin' inside

****

She tells me that she loves me, and I need a drink
Or if we have a fight, man, I come here to think
Everytime I leave her cryin', it gets easier
Why does it seem to satisfy me when I'm hurtin' her?

****
Yea, What The Hell Am I Doin’ Here?
I’m goin' home
6. During recovery from heart surgery last year, I had this wonderful nurse from Jamaica named Marvelee. I used to say “Marvelee, rescue me”. The song was born from that. Rose helped me write it.

RESCUE ME
Bill & Rose Rhoads 2007

You lifted me high as a mountain
Then let me fall and set me free
To drift alone, lost on life’s ocean
Won’t you come and Rescue Me

Chorus:
Rescue Me, I’m going under
In life’s cold and stormy sea
And I can’t hold on without you
Won’t you come and Rescue Me

Without your love there is no shelter
I’m clinging to a memory
My dreams are crashing waves around me
Won’t you come and Rescue Me

****

If I should die before I see you
And our love can never be
Know you’ll be in my heart forever
And that God came to Rescue Me

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7. Saw the goin’s on at a dance in Texas and the song practically wrote itself. Fun Stuff!!

PUT A LITTLE FIDDLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SONG
Bill Rhoads 2004

I can’t believe it would you look at me
Stand here shakin’ like a leaf on a tree
Even when I try I can’t sit still long
When they Put A Little Fiddle In The Middle Of The Song

Miss Sally Ann is a quiet girl
Never gets fired up enough to jump and whirl
But all her friends think there must be somethin’ wrong
When they Put A Little Fiddle In The Middle Of The Song

Chorus:
Play that fiddle……. let it ring
I like music every song
When you Put A Little Fiddle In The Middle

Bob Wills wrote a lotta dang good lines
‘Bout Texas women and Texas times
But the thing that keeps his music always on my mind
He Put A Little Fiddle In The Middle every time

So grab your partner anyone
Do si do and a dum dee dum
Everybody understands you can’t go home
When they Put A Little Fiddle In The Middle Of The Song

****

8. I served in Vietnam and have some understanding of the brutality, futility and yet sadly the inevitability of war. I wrote this from the experience of having lost friends to that war. I updated it to Iraq. It’s my prayer that mankind will develop psychologically beyond greed, realize there is enough for everyone and learn to truly “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. We must quit just paying lip service to this most important idea in human psychological history.

GONE
Bill Rhoads 2008

Gone and never comin’ back
I’m really gonna miss my friend
Gone to some roadside attack
We’ll never see him smile again
They put him in some soldier suit
Taught him how to shoot and kill
Gone and never coming back
Said it was God’s will

Chorus:
If everyone who started war
Had to fight and bring their child
Maybe God would have a change of heart
And let us have some peace awhile
Gone my friend’s a fiery path
Of innocence and bloody gore
Gone I think it’s time to ask
Whose God willed this war

Gone and never more to know
A sunrise or a woman’s love
Gone to where he had to go
Altho’ they say it’s up above
His flesh will seep down thru the earth
In time from cemetery hill
Gone his blood will make more oil
Said it was God’s will

****

9. I wrote this for Rose!

I'VE GOT A THOUSAND THINGS ON MY MIND
(and they're all you)
Bill Rhoads 1976

I've tried to forget it, God knows I should
Thoughts that hurt anyone can't be good
Then I swore I could set it way out in my dreams
But I can't in spite of all of my schemes.

'Cause
Chorus:
I’ve Got A Thousand Things On My Mind
I can't hide it, it keeps comin' through
I’ve Got A Thousand Things On My Mind
And they're all you, they're all you.

Even when I knew, I denied it could happen to me
I'm already loved and in love. And if I told her,
she’d try to understand, but she'd die inside and
there are young hearts we've got to think of

So I said I'd control it before it's too late
Even laughed at myself cheatin' fate
But it's strong, I can't hold it, I've got to let go
The world can't but you've got to know

That ...
****

10. I did not write this for Rose – honest. Actually, the song’s a joke. I absolutely love and respect the ladies and know that you can tell them what to do – as much as you can men…….and boys …and girls!

YOU CAN’T TELL A WOMAN WHAT TO DO
Bill Rhoads 1999

Uncle Jimmy Jones was all skin and bones
Went to Heaven on the tail of a kite
St. Peter saw him comin’ but he wouldn’t let him in
Had to check if it’d be alright
He came back and cut the string
Said “You didn’t learn a thing
You made the same mistake your whole life through
You Can’t Tell A Woman What To Do.”

Chorus:
You Can’t Tell A Woman What To Do
You can try until you’re tired an’ turnin’ blue
An’ if you do
She’ll kinda listen to ya
Then she’ll kinda look right through ya
And do exactly what she wanted to
You Can’t Tell A Woman What To Do

Big Bobby Brown rode a twister to the ground
Swore that women were the weaker sex
Came home inebriated, went to where his woman waited
Told her she must do what he expects
She tucked him in the bed, pinned his arms and beat his head
He woke up with another point of view
You Can’t Tell A Woman What To Do

****

The preacher told his wife, said “we got a good life
But you gotta curb that shoppin’ urge
The Lord provides a way, all you gotta do is pray
And you’re sinnin’ every time you splurge.”
Well, she maxed the credit card, now he’s sleepin’ in the yard
The Lord provides for preachers too
You Can’t Tell A Woman What To Do

I do the best to do the best I can
To satisfy my woman and the man
I make mistakes but there’s one way I know I won’t go wrong
An’ you won’t either if you heed my song

****

11. This is probably as close as I can get to the story of my life so far and I’ve still got a long, long way to go.

A LONG LONG WAY TO GO
Bill Rhoads 1996

Sometimes I would look up and think about You
In valleys low, on mountains high to climb
Oh, I thought I walked that road alone then
But I’ve come to understand in time
I never really took one step without You
And many times You carried me I know
Jesus, help me learn to lean more on You
‘Cause I’ve still got A Long Long Way To Go

Chorus:
Oh, I’ve got A Long Long Way To Go, Lord
To reach that place where I can be with You
Help me, Lord, I know I’ll never make it on my own
I’ve got A Long Long Way To Go before I’m home

In Your Light I see the pathway clearly
And I can feel You carry me along
I can hear this truth resound inside me
That only when I lean on You I’m strong
Deliver me safe from the one that’s evil
Try me, Lord, enough to make me grow
Now that I can see the road I’m travelin’
I know I’ve got A Long Long Way To Go

****

12. Actually happened in one of my earlier love(?) affairs – No Names!! Do you recognize this scenario?

ONE OF THESE DAYS AND IT WON’T BE LONG
Bill Rhoads 2000

Chorus:
One Of These Days And It Won’t Be Long
I’ll be right and you’ll be wrong
You’ll be here and I’ll be gone
One Of These Days And It Won’t Be Long

I feel you gettin’ tired of me
I feel it day and night
There once was I could do no wrong
Now I can do no right
Never saw this side of you
Wish it never showed
One Of These Days And It Won’t Be Long
I’ll be on down the road

****

I might’ve changed but you’ve grown cold
And we’re both filled with doubt
I tried to look into my soul
But I can’t sort it out
I won’t be tradin’ blame
First you and then myself
One Of These Days And It Won’t Be Long
I’ll just be somewhere else

****

Note: **** repeat chorus